dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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