I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
