Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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