All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Randomize