allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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