I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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