so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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