Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize