Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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