Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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