I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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