weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
