Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
