How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize