Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We were destined to go to rehab together
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
