Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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