in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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