I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so that wasnt chicken after all
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
