grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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