hotel room ftw
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize