We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
