Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
