Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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