I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize