Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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