perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
