She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
