when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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