i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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