hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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