During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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