he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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