yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
