I wish I could teleport
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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