So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
