She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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