I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
