I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
