So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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