Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
