I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize