So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize