your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
