Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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