woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize