I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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