bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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