So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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