I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
