he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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