ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
