I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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