I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
