let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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