Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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