2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
