My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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