They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
