If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
