The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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