It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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