it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
