Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
