Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
