She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
