He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
