I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize