There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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