But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
