I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
