I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
