You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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