Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
