Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He had one of those small greek statue penises
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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