That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
how does that bad decision feel?
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