if i can run in heels then i can drive
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
