Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
