Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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