You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
