I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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